If you haven’t caught on by now, my life is ever changing. I’ve had friends note that my life has more drama than most soap operas… And they weren’t wrong. I try to ride the waves rather than swim against them. Sometimes that’s very hard to do.
I know many of you are from different countries but I’m sure you have heard about the housing issues the US is experiencing. A bit over a year ago, I rented a house and entered into a mutually beneficial if somewhat stressful living situation with my mother. She and I have an interesting relationship dynamic but that is fodder for another post. All was well until we found out that the people we were renting from (thru an agency) weren’t paying their mortgage. Now I have less than a month to find somewhere for myself and the kids to live. My mother has decided to part ways from us and move back to North Carolina. School teaching is not a lucrative position and I have been frantically trying to decide which type of Ramen noodles we will survive off of.
My boyfriend, being the amazing guy he is, has offered to move in with us… All of us. The man has balls of steel to be willing to do that!
Of course I’m totally terrified. I worry that moving in with me is going to break our relationship. There is nothing I would like less than that!
I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas! It seems this year went by so quickly. For me, this year has been marked by extremes of happiness and sadness, success and failure, and a heavy dose of reality.
Last weekend my grandmother died. She was old and her time had come. She died peacefully which is a blessing… But she still died. I’ve been coping with my grief badly I guess. I cried on the day she died and then went numb. I have pushed my feelings under the rug for survival’s sake. Work is busy; my personal life is full to bursting with holiday festivities. There just isn’t room for sadness. Still, I feel a bit empty. I feel like celebrating Christmas is just one more thing on the to-do list. Christmas has become a forced march over rough terrain with a gunny sack weighing as much as santa’s sled strapped to my back.
On top of my personal pains, I have individuals in my life who have decided they just don’t like me. I accept this. I don’t expect everyone to like me. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. However, these people are causing me endless trouble. They could potentially derail my personal goals. Even if they don’t, their drama is causing me heaping spoonfuls of stress and anxiety. I have never understood meanness. I’m not that person. If I have a problem, I address it or find some way to cope. I would never be hurtful to another person intentionally. I wish everyone felt that way.
So this is my Christmas this year.